I love mom’s stories (and so does everyone else). Here’s another gem from her life… written in her own words.

My clothes dryer door.

We have an insurance policy for our appliances.  For $28.00 a month, we have protection. It covers service calls, labor, and parts. The insurance company sent out a service man last year when my dryer broke. My husband and I played the “I nag, you drag” game. It was days before he called the insurance company. I wanted him to call because, unfortunately, men get farther when they call. That is my theory and experience.

Here’s what happened…

When it broke down last year, he didn’t see the seriousness of not having a dryer. Men amaze me. I laid wet clothes all over the kitchen. They laid flat out on every countertop and backs of all the chairs.  Everything was exposed… including panties, bras, jockey shorts, socks, golf shirts… you get the picture.  He doesn’t like repair calls. But my take on it is to just call, we pay for the service.

When it affects him… he gets his ass up and dials the number.

He stood by the kitchen island, looking at the clothes and said, ”This was drying here yesterday.”

I replied, “That side is dry. This is the other side.”

He said, “But, I’m running out of underwear.” (I can hear… Mommy, what do I do? in his voice.)

I told him, “You have a choice. Whatever jockey shorts you find… your ass will be wet or your balls.”

He ignored that information and changed the subject. He’s good at that.

He said, “Hmmm, what’s for dinner?”

I said, “Nothing, I can’t find the stove.”

Bingo. He immediately called and in three days the dryer was working. But, that was a year ago.

This old dryer is causing problems again, and it looks like something from the junkyard. The door has been opened and closed thousands of times. The plastic, made to look like metal, handle broke off and I couldn’t get the door open. With no handle, the door is left with 2 holes. When I showed him, I thought that would merit a new dryer, but I was wrong. He called me in the laundry room for one of his demonstrations.

He said, “Look, I have an idea. If you take this screw driver and stick it in the hole, turn it on an angle and pull, you can open the door. I’ll just lay the screw driver on top.”

I said, “No, you won’t. I don’t care where you put the screw driver, but I am not going to open the door with it. You think of a better idea.”

He decided to put on a wooden knob.  It looks cheezy but it works.  I believe in picking my battles, and the door does open.

Well, last month I noticed the top of the dryer was extremely hot. Hot enough to start a fire. His response was, “Don’t use the high setting.”  Trust me… I wanted to smack him.

Then,  two weeks ago, I had a demonstration for him.

I said, “Lynn, come here I want to show you something about the dryer.” I pressed the ON button and the dryer went on. When I let go of the button the dryer went off.

“I don’t see a problem,” he said.

Time for a verbal demo.

I said, “I am pressing the button ON and it works. When I let go the dryer goes off.”

“But technically it works,” he said.

“No, it doesn’t. I would have to stand here for an hour for each load. Call the insurance company!”

I laid clothes around the kitchen and on a wooden rack outside. The wooden rack blew over and landed in the dirt.

He was working on the patio at the time. He stuck his head in the door and said, “Hey, come look at this. Your rack blew over and I think everything needs to be rewashed.”

He didn’t pick up the rack and call me. He let me see that everything was laying in the dirt.

I said, “Son of a bitch, Lynn, pick the damn thing up. It has to be rewashed and dried. Call the damn insurance company.”

I kept washing the clothes, laying them out, flipping them over, and ironing… he was not suffering.

I had an idea. When you let a bath towel air dry, it is hard and like 60-grit sandpaper. I decided to put the air-dried towels in his cupboard. Then, I waited.

“Fuck, what’s with this towel?” he asked.

I said, “That’s what happens when… A TOWEL CAN’T GO IN THE DRYER. CALL THE INSURANCE COMPANY.”

Bingo.

I had a repair man.  He replaced the ON button and a new motor to regulate the high heat. In the process he scratched the top, but I don’t care. No one is looking at the top, they are looking at the stupid knob.

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